To begin with today I want to speak about customers who are gullible. I don't mean like 'The sky is blue because that's the color of God's eyes' sort of gullible, I'm talking about the 'Hey, if you say orange it sounds like gullible' kind of gullible. The reason I bring this up is because day in and day out I get customers who excitedly tell me that they've been sent a special one time offer to sign up for cell phone service, and, omg guys, they get two FREE phones! It's like no one in the history of cell phones has ever gotten a free phone before! Anyway, needless to say they get a little upset when it turns out that they have shit credit and they need to pay a massive deposit (Not my fault, nor my problem buddy, take it out on your own lack of ability to pay your bills on time). Now the thing about this is that I get tons of people every day who are dead set on getting the free phone they were offered, and two of them at that. Well, not only does the phone you were offered suck, but you're a lonely person who has no friends and no one to give a second phone to. Why do you want to pay for two? Whatever, that's cool, I can get behind that but just remember that I'm not the person to complain to when you decide that paying $150 per month for two phones is way out of your $100 per month budget for a phone. Oh right, you can't afford it regardless since those "free" phones are going to cost you a lot more for your deposit you're gonna have to pay. While it seems that I'm just rambling on here I can assure you there's a point to this; What's my point you ask? Well that's simple. Do a little shopping and find something that's going to work for you for the next two years, and do keep in mind that it's two years, not two months.
On to the next one! Contracts! Before I go into any real detail about this I need to explain exactly what a contract is (it appears no customers has any clue what a 'contract' entails).
Now the reason why that needed to cleared up is because I swear 90% of the customers I speak to on a current daily basis have absolutely no clue what it means. I get it left right and center daily "I've been an AT&T wireless customer for 20 years! This is bullshit that I bought a phone 10 months ago and I sat my fat ass on it and broke it and now you want to charge me full price for a new one!" Let's see if I can break this down a bit and answer every bit of this for you. First things first, you originally agreed to pay the advertised price for the phone which was heavily discounted based on the agreement that you will continue service for a full 2 years (it's actually only 18 months before you can upgrade). If you don't want this 2 year contract you can go ahead and pay full price for the phone. What's that? $649 for an iPhone is robbery? No, that's how much it costs before we subsidize the cost into your monthly bill....Anyway, you should probably note that 'Crushed by fat ass' doesn't get covered under your warranty and maybe you should be a bit more careful with that expensive piece of technology you keep with you at all times. Or get insurance, which is completely up to you. Don't get me wrong here people, I understand. More than you believe I absolutely understand. I hate my cell phone, I don't want it anymore, but I also understand that when I want to switch to a new one less than half way through my contract it's going to cost an arm and a leg to do so which is why I haven't yet, and won't be for awhile. Don't worry, if it makes phone calls your phone still does what it's meant to do!con·tract
[n., adj., and usually for v. 15–17, 21, 22 kon-trakt; otherwise v. kuhn-trakt] Show IPAnoun1.an agreement between two or more parties for the doing ornot doing of something specified.2.an agreement enforceable by law.
Now I'm starting to notice that this seems like I'm just sort of rambling and need to start paying some half-assed attention to my dipshit customers (Yes I do this at work) so I have just one more topic to cover today and that will be all. While I was chatting with my customers I forgot what the original plan was though so we're going to cover lying instead. I don't understand, but why must you feel the need to constantly lie about everything? This doesn't cover most customers, but there's some which just seem either confused (How do I internetz?!) or just outright evasive when it comes to trying to help them. It's the little things though, like when I'm doing everything in my power to help them and they're doing everything in their power to ignore everything I say. If you don't want to talk to me, just close the chat. If I could do it to you I would do so happily when you're wasting my time, but I can't otherwise I lose my job. You really have no reason to lie to me though about what items are in your cart, or what page of the web site you're on. I can see both, but only tell you that I can't so you don't flip out that I'm stealing your computer secrets. Really you're just best off being upfront with me so I can do my best to help you as quickly and efficiently as possible and we can end this painful 20 minutes we had to spend together where you kicked and screamed all the way through the purchase of the perfect cell phone for you. You'll thank me for it later.
Now that's been the long version, here's the super speed version if you really need it; Don't believe every offer you receive in your e-mail inbox, don't argue that you should be able to break a legally binding contract because you've been a customer for a few years, and don't lie to the person trying to help you. Wow, that was so much easier. Either way, until next time Internet, keep your head on your shoulders and out of your ass.
Cheers,
Rob.
p.s. next week we'll talk about cell phone longevity and the right phone choice for you (ps, an iPhone 3GS is about as bad a phone choice as it gets)
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