Heyo everyone. It's a chilly day which has already left me slightly annoyed and frustrated before I even started work today, and has given me some additional reasons to stop and stare at my monitor while I go "What...the...fuck?!" with what some of my customers are already doing. Curious to know about it? Let's jump in!
To begin with today we have a great example of someone following the Internet dream of trolling someone. I've been trolled at work before, and I will be trolled at work again. Fortunately I have a pretty good sense of humor about it and I'm quite glad to oblige the person who feels they're trolling me if for no other reason than this; I'm getting paid to sit here and chat with you. You're just a big enough loser that you have nothing better to do than try and troll an online chat rep....who's the moron now? This only gets funnier when it's a Friday night and the end of my shift (11 p.m. CST). I can see that you're in the same time zone as me, and I can see that you quite clearly do not have a social life other than pretending to be an Internet bad ass. I'm happy to keep you entertained until it hits that 11 p.m. time but please keep in mind that at that point unlike you I do have plans. I will make your life a miserable hell within the constraints placed on me by my employer until you have decided you don't want to mess with me any longer and you move back to chatting with Mormons (p.s. they don't know how magnets work).
My next section today is going to be devoted to very stupid questions. If you tell me you're looking at the phone you want to order that means you can easily see all the information you're asking me for. If you are asking me the price of the phone when it's right in front of you, I'm going to treat you as if you have the intelligence level of a sack of bricks. This goes for asking "Where's the Add to Cart button?". Well let me tell you about that Add to Cart button. It's big, it's green, and it says Add to Cart. I'm not sure what world you live in that you cannot see it, but when you tell me you cannot find it my first response is to tell you to hit alt+f4 so the chat will close and I can get on with helping someone who knows how to read. While I'm on the topic of stupid questions though, please please please stop and think about what you're about to ask me. When you pop into my chat and ask "Uh...what does this 'unlimited messaging' mean." I will tell you it means unlimited messages, and leave it at that until you clarify by telling me you're a complete moron and don't know the definition of either unlimited or messages. I would start a series of posts about common term definitions, but I already did that once yesterday and honestly I'm not a dictionary for your stupidity. Moving on!
Knowing what you have! This is somewhat important, as I am absolutely floored each and every single day by customers who want certain things for me like adding a line, upgrading their phone (By the way, too many people don't know what 'upgrade' means either...) or a few other things. To help you with that information I need to know a few basic pieces of information about your plan. How many daytime minutes, how much data, etc. More people than I care to think about have absolutely NO idea what they pay for each month on their cell phone plan. I can tell you off the top of my head exactly what my plan is, what it includes, what will cause overage fees, and how much it costs me each month. If you do not know then I can only assume you never even look at your bill, and you probably need to find out exactly what you're paying for before I help you any further. By the way, paying for things without understanding what you're getting is going to make you look like a moron. If you're not sure, call customer care and they will be very happy to explain in detail what you are getting for your money.
My last section today....scratch that, on this post as it's early and there may be more that sends me into a righteous internet rage that results in another wall of text about customer stupidity...is going to be about Phones, plans, and the differences between the two. "I want a phone with unlimited everything" is a question that makes me decide I need to start fucking with you. I'll be the first person to tell you that no phone offers unlimited memory, since the plan is completely separate from your phone. I know what you're asking me but I have lost interest in caring by the end of reading your first sentence. Please be a little more articulate and let me know that you want a phone with an unlimited talk plan, and you would also like unlimited messaging and data. By the way, no, you cannot have unlimited data on your smart phone. It just isn't offered these days unless you go with another company that is "charging less per month" until you realize that they're adding on a lot of extras (roaming comes to mind...) I will do everything I can to help you, and also explain the limitations to the best of my ability, not to mention why they will most likely not affect you, but if you still don't like it feel free to go to the competitor. I'm not paid by commission and I really do not care about your threats. It's the Internet, dude. If I let someone "screaming" at me in all caps lock bother me I would have gone insane a long time ago.
Let's sum up what we've learned today ladies and gentlemen. First of all, don't be a moron. Second of all, if you think you're in danger of looking like a moron, ask for assistance in a way that lets people know that you just require a bit of assistance to understand. Last but not least, know what you're paying for and don't just pay for unlimited everything when you don't need it. Waste of money for no reason at all which could be better spent on other things IMHO.
Cheers,
Rob
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