No you can't do that, here's why...

Ahoy-hoy reader(s)!  After a day off due to, well, a day off I'm back and I have more tips and tricks on how you can avoid looking like a complete moron.  At least when shopping online, I'm not going to help you with your fashion sense (That shirt with those shoes? Are you kidding me?! j/k).  With that out of the way, let's get started on today's topic!

I've just told you "No" when you asked if you can do something, which is most commonly that you can't afford what you're buying, but for some reason you can afford it on your next bill.  If payday is going to happen between now and then, just wait until payday to buy something.  I'll also probably recommend that you use a credit card to pay for it since, *gasp* credit cards work like that.  In case you weren't sure this is how a credit card works.  You purchase stuff with your credit card, and you later get a bill that you have to pay to the credit card company for the stuff you have bought with said credit card.  Wait, wait, I must be insane because I have many customers insist that it's not the exact same.  Let's clarify.  You want to buy something today, and then pay for it on a later bill....Yup, I'm the crazy one here since I do this day in, day out, and have done it for over a year.  America, learn how to use credit cards a bit better and you may be able to keep your economy out of the shitter.  Oh, it's too late? Well, better late than never.

Since this is such a wide-ranging topic though, you've asked me if you can do something else.  I tell you no, and explain why.  Don't keep asking me if you can do it (yes I've mentioned this before, but it still annoys me).  I'm just going to keep saying "No.  Is there anything else I can assist you with?" until you get the point.  I never thought it would be so hard to get the "No" point across.  Asking me in a slightly different way doesn't make you sneaky, it makes you stupid.  I know what you can do, and what you can't do online.  I'll flat out tell you if you are not able to, and if you really need I'll explain why.  Continuing to try doing it is going to annoy me and frustrate you.  Don't be a moron, follow my advice and contact the department that actually can help you.

Since we're mentioning right departments here, let's get one thing straight.  I'm here to do sales.  I have no access to your account, and being that I'm not even in the same country as you and your service provider I really don't care what your issues with the company are.  If you don't like the company why are you even wasting my time by telling me? Do you think that I'll bend over backwards to kiss my own asshole and then pull out an iPhone 5 (which doesn't exist) from there with my tongue to hand to you on a silver platter because you don't understand how your bill works and are furious that you're paying so much for the unlimited everything plan you insisted that you required, even though you really, really don't.  You can type your complaints away at me until your fingers are numb but I still can't help you and don't care either.  When I told you 20 minutes prior you need to contact customer care for help and you decided you were better off to ignore me and go on a rant, I'm just going to ignore you.  Turnabout is fair play, and all.  Just to clarify, I will bend over backwards to help you if it's something I can help you with, and have done so often and frequently for many customers.  I also have directed hundreds if not thousands of customers to the right department to assist them with their needs if I cannot.  Don't throw yourself into the 1% that decides I'm lying to you for some unknown malicious reason and go off on a rant about how the company is fucking you over.  Once again, I don't care.

Going forward I do have a few other quick things that I want to touch base on.  Things like telling me I'm useless after I told you I don't have access to your account information.  By the way, before I said anything to you there was an automated message that told you the exact same thing.  Are you really so lazy that you couldn't read 1 sentence? I know you don't want to do any "work" like clicking a mouse button three times to check into what you've decided to ask me, but last I checked typing out a very long paragraph that explains your problem in detail and gives me personal information like your phone number, address and SSN, just for me to respond "No" is a huge waste of everyone's time.

I have more I can go on with today, but I need to save at least something for future reference or this is going to be very cyclical and I won't have anything new to write by the end of the week, so I'm saving it for later.  In the meantime, let's sum up what we've learned

Cheers,

Rob.

ps spellcheck says 'learned' is not a word....damn American dictionary